Can't Help Falling In Love
—"Can't Help Falling In Love," written by Hugo Peretti, Luigi Creatore, and George David Weiss, originally recorded by Elvis Presley
One of my ways of staying sane during the pandemic and the quarantine (lockdown? What exactly is the difference?) has been screenwriting. I've rewritten two feature-length scripts from a buddy from CSUN, and I'm currently working on an original script of my own. But I doubt I could've written anything like that first week of meeting Christine.
She called me after her swim, and I was ecstatic. We decided to make the second date an adventure: drive to Solvang and poke around for a bit, then back down to Malibu to take sunset photos. A chance to shoot together, share more of ourselves and our passions. We kept talking by text even after we hung up, and something I didn't expect happened. I had mentioned at a couple different points that I have ADHD, and Christine asked very simply "Is there anything I should know or be aware of regarding it? If a situation ever arises, can you walk me through how to help you?"
You've heard of relationship red flags? That right there is a green flag. One I hadn't seen since I started becoming more proactive about managing and living with my funky brain chemistry about a year and a half ago. And it made me tear up. This is different from my past, a good kind of different.
Friday rolls around. My car is ready. Christine brought lunch--ceviche from a friend who does catering. It's gone in no time at all, it's so damn good. We head down to my room so I can make sure I've got the photo gear I want to bring, and yes, I give her a chance to try out this new reading pillow I'd just bought. She looks so comfy sitting on top of my bed. I offer my hand, help her to her feet...and we're right there and we just...kiss.
And we kiss again. And again. Before we know it, we've been making out like teenagers for--wait, how long? We should get going, Solvang's like two hours out.
We keep stealing kisses along the drive. Grinning like idiots. I put on some driving music, a playlist of cover songs. One of them is The Fray doing Kanye West's "Heartless" as this stripped-down and almost mournful acoustic number, and I think it's going to be a surprise for Christine. The surprise is mine, though--she's singing along, in a low but clear voice. She's got a hookup for great food, she loves shooting, great kisser, AND she sings too? God help me, I think, I'm falling in love.
Solvang is cute. We're there so long that sunset in Malibu isn't going to happen, but luckily we're not too far from Santa Barbara. The whole time, I keep glancing at Christine what feels like every other second. Longing for her touch, for her lips on mine. It's not that I want to be there with her, it's more like...like I'm meant to be there with her. Supposed to be there all along.
God help me, I think again, I'm falling in love.
I pull us off 101 at a favorite stretch spot above the beach, overlooking train tracks and the ocean. You could see the smile on Christine's face from clear across the Pacific. The smile on mine, too. I'm wrapped around her from behind, and she talks about how she wishes she had a tall boyfriend to take to the front at concerts and get stuff off of high shelves and do other cute couple-y things with.
"If you're hiring," I tell her, "I'd like to put in an application."
"Scott, will you be my tall boyfriend?"
"Yes!" Forget the application, she hired me on the spot! (Pity I missed the chance to joke about getting her a short boyfriend too.) Now to Santa Barbara to shoot that approaching sunset and get dinner to celebrate us.
It's incredible. After weeks upon weeks of anxiety, after the collapse of a relationship where I ultimately had to pretend to be someone I'm not, after the grief of losing my grandfather piled on top of all of that, I felt more like myself that day than I had in months. And I tell Christine that over Mexican, a few blocks from the Santa Barbara waterfront. She beams. She should--she's 100 percent responsible for it.
The whole drive back to the Valley, we're holding each other as best we can. We fall asleep wrapped up in each other, spending the next morning camped in with breakfast quesadillas and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It's peaceful, it's intimate, it's what both of us have been craving for so long. Reluctantly, I let her head home in the afternoon because we've both got plans for the evening. As I watch her drive off, I catch myself saying out loud what I had been thinking since that staggering first kiss.
"God help me, I'm falling in love."
And it scared me for a second, to tell the truth. Two dates in and not only have we committed to a relationship, but I'm already saying the L word out loud? It couldn't be. Just couldn't be.
But everything that happened over those 24 hours and more bore it out. The chemistry. The connection. The joy we bring each other. The way she makes me feel like me again.
It couldn't be anything else.
God help me, I'm falling in love.
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