My Whole Life

Is it me
Is my intuition wrong
Or does it feel like coming home
Cause it's almost like you speak my language
 

We spent over 24 hours (8 of it snuggling in each other's arms and sleeping, of course) together between Friday and Saturday. Our time that weekend didn't end there. After returning home and napping most of Saturday, I woke up on Sunday feeling like I needed to go on a drive, to reflect, and ruminate over everything–from the new experiences to the changes in my life now that I'm in a new relationship with Scott. Thankfully, I had an excuse to drive down to San Diego. 

Yet on that drive, I didn't process through much. I have dated so many, and earlier this year, almost settled for a person that lived a few states away because I was done with online dating. I wish I could return myself the two months of that wasted time and effort back. I tried to believe the lies I told myself. I was so desperate for something that I couldn't have.

However, this time, I didn't have to talk myself into wanting to be with Scott. The way we communicate is so open and clear that I don't have to do so much work deciphering what he means. I was being met in the middle, and it feels so easy and simple. He's also a great photographer. He embodies everything I ever wanted in a partner. He loves to travel and adventure. He won my heart when he told me that he would love to explore more of the South Bay. His interest in driving down to me is a huge deal. I have often found myself driving to other people so often that I rarely have visitors.  I admire how intelligent he is. He knows an incredible amount of information about movies, people, music, and things. I enjoy listening to him talk endlessly. He has this passion about him that I find so wonderful. 

Like I know
That we've been right here before
As I'm watching this unfold
And I got to say it Baby
 

That Sunday evening, I drove back up north to spend another evening with Scott. I wrote to him, "I'm so tempted to come to sleep over with you tonight." He wrote back, "What's holding you up?"

Sunsets never been so bright
When you when you look into my eyes
You gotta say it's true
And I gotta say it too
I do
 

We spent the night giggling, chuckling, and laughing as we watched Brooklyn 99. Scott had his arms wrapped around me and his head on my shoulder. He squeezed me as he giggled during a scene. I feel his warm embrace and the vibration from his laugh. At that moment, I saw my life fast forward to us on a couch watching something together, in each other's arms. I realized then that I loved Scott. The thought sent waves and tingles of emotions through my body. I saw my future with him, and it was beautiful.

I can see my whole life with you
 
In a moment
When the world is passing by
I don't mind the sleepless nights
If I got you by my side
 

I couldn't keep that thought within long. Later that night, when Scott helped me up to use the restroom, I remember I was so tempted to tell him right then and there. I would've told him that I loved him and then scurried off to the restroom. I'm glad I didn't.

We were on his bed, talking. He was lying down, and I was on his chest. 

"Scott, I love you." 

I forgot what we were talking about, but the words came out of my mouth when the same wave of emotions came rushing through. I couldn't hold it in much longer. He didn't say anything for a moment. I was close to saying, "You don't have to say it back." Yet, he revealed that he loved me too. Happy tears were shed. So many happy tears.

The next day, we went on a mini road trip to Malibu to watch the sunset together. Beautiful photos were taken. Wonderful moments were had. We were simply glowing with love.

Sunsets never been so bright
When you when you look into my eyes
You gotta say it's true
And I gotta say it too
I do
 
I can see my whole life when I’m with you

-"My Whole Life," written by Al Shux, Alina Baraz, Hayley Gene Penner, Roget Chahayed, Spencer Stewart, Performed by Alina Baraz